Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
