yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
