No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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