hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
