somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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