She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
