is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
