You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
