he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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