Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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