Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
