Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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