OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
