I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
