Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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