Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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