also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
