I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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