dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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