I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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