i think my tv is drunk
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
