I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
