Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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