He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
