We're facebook friends in real life
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
