my soul wont recognize me after tonight
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
