Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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