They should really pass out barf bags in church
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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