What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
