She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
