i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
