that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
