How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Randomize
