he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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