My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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