which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
