apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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