I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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