Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Damn victory sex feels great
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