It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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