You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
