Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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