oh fat girl friday strikes again...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
