after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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