Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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