Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
