Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
