he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
