You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
