Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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